Choo choo trains

So I have this gripe with the subways. Well, not the subways particularly but a phrase that I heard someone say. I can’t remember when this happened or who said it, but a person once told me that subways are a true form of socialism because everyone rides the subway and it doesn’t matter if you’re rich or not, everyone is equal.

Well, I would like to offer my counter argument.

First of all, not everyone rides the subway. The truly filthy rich people have a car with a driver. After all, parking spots on the streets and garages are not that easy to find nor are they cheap. Also, it’s a pain in the ass to drive around the city, especially during rush hours. It’s not the slowness as much as having to watch out for annoying cabbies, messengers on bikes who tend to squeeze in everywhere and those pesky pedestrians.

Actually, let me back up, the truly truly filthy rich have helicopters.

So back to those suckers who have drivers. Well, the layer below those with drivers are those who driver their own cars. But chances are they pay for a spot in a garage which are expensive. Then there are those who drive cars to work but park them on the streets. These are mainly people who live and work in Brooklyn and Columbia students who drive late afternoon for evening classes (I don’t think I’ve seen so many luxury cars on one street before).

Then the following layer is those who can hire a car or cabs. Ok, maybe these people don’t cab every time but during those times when having a cab is crucial, like say late at night or during a fire that shuts down all major subway lines, they can afford a cab.

Then we have walkers. These people are just as irritating. Mostly because their jobs, grocery stores, bars, favorite restaurants etc etc are within walking distance of their apartments. Being able to walk to a place that requires you to be there daily is a luxury in New York. Of course, these people also take a subway but maybe once or twice a week.

I am not sure where to put bus riders but I am sure they would fit above regular subway riders.

And then you have regular subway riders. These are the people who don’t have a car or cannot afford gas/parking spot in the city in order to drive their cars. These are the people who cannot afford to take a taxi when something is happening that disrupts their morning commute. They are the ones who are stuck waiting on a platform for 30 minutes at 11:30pm on a weekend (a fairly reasonable time for somewhat regular subway service!).

Now, even among subway riders, there are social layers. On top, you have the ones who have to take only one subway to get somewhere and it takes them less than 30 minutes. Then you have those who live on shitty subway lines and they often require 2-3 transfers but can still make it to central spots within 45 minutes. Although if you live on the G** train, which runs never from nowhere to nowhere, I’ve created a special category just for you. Then you got suckers who live in bumble-fuck Brooklyn and Queens and it takes them an hour to get into Manhattan alone. Of course, then you have people who are even worse off, they have to take a bus to a subway stop. And then there are suckers who live in Staten Island and gotta take a boat. And, last, although I suspect not the least, you have people who can barely take a subway and limit their trips on the subway for essentials only.

Oh, I almost forgot. Train conductors. Those people must think they are czars of the world or something. I am not talking about the people who drive the train, I mean the ones who press a button to open/close doors and they make station announcements. How many times have they shut the door right in your face? For those who live on the G, how many times have you seen them snicker as you dash down the platform at world breaking speeds and they still shut the door in your face? I would comment about their announcements but I don’t understand them half the time so when they make one, I pray to God that the train won’t run express out of the blue. Or worse, just stops running.

**The G train is really not a subway train, it’s only four cars long instead of the regular eight cars. It’s some sort of little choo choo train that thinks it can. That is if it ever comes. They train conductors on that thing. So it takes them extra long to figure out what button to press to open the door. Argh!