Listen up kids

I will start this post by thanking the six regular readers who check this site weekly. Although I suspect it’s actually less than 6 readers, perhaps just one person who checks the site daily. If that’s the case, dude, there are tons of better things go do.

Anyway, here are some of the most recent things that have happened in my life:

1. My Hispanic cowboy fetish dropped the fetish part for reasons I will not divulge on this blog thingee. It’s no one’s business anyway.

2. I have snapping hip syndrome.

3. At age 29, I finally learned why it is not such a good idea to make out/hook up with someone I just met. Let me elaborate. A few weeks ago, I met this kid. Since the fetish part came to a grinding halt, I decided a distraction would be therapeutic for me. The kid seemed nice, cute, somewhat funny. Since our first meeting ended abruptly, there was no opportunity for making out. Not that I was really hoping for it, but it did cross my mind. During our second “date,” I started to realize that we had nothing in common, not to mention that he told me that he had an “ex” who kept calling him. To minimize any sort of moments of awkwardness on my part, I decided to drink more beer. It worked. I also slurred every word that came out of my mouth. When we stumbled home, I mumbled something about him getting home safe and fled hastily. On our third “date,” the dude started asking me about my history of dating and told me how his friend suggested to him that next time we go out, he should invite me for a nightcap. He also told me something about making me a dinner of spaghetti with Prego from a jar. I rolled my eyes and steadily grew more repulsed by him.

Anyways, the moral of this story is that making out/hooking up is fun, but if you don’t know the dude, he may turn out to be a dud. Based on my non-scientific research, about 99% of them are either jerks or the dullest people on Earth, so holding off for a bit, say for a week, is a bright idea. Now the biggest question is, why didn’t my mother tell me this when I was 15?